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Real maturity, emotional intelligence, and common sense—these are all incredibly useful and helpful things to have. Unfortunately, they’re often in short supply. What you often see is a lot of posturing: people with self-esteem issues create the illusion that they’re incredibly intelligent, experienced, and refined when they’re anything but.
Today, we’re looking at what some internet users think are the signs of fake maturity, as shared in one online thread. Scroll down for a crash course on how to recognize when someone’s pretending to be a far more confident and emotionally in control grownup than they really are. Spoiler warning: cynicism isn’t the same as maturity!
People getting offended by swearing. I’m 32 I had a man chastise me to talk like an adult yesterday. In a setting which wasn’t work but was clear I was the one “in charge”.
Liking mature, dark shows for the sake of them being dark and mature whilst looking down on those who prefer something light-hearted.
According to PsychCentral, emotionally mature adults are aware that their emotions are separate from their identity. Trauma and relationship coach Robyn Smith explains that an example of this is labeling yourself as a person who sometimes experiences anger instead of ‘an angry person.’ There’s a huge difference between the two!
Furthermore, emotionally mature adults take responsibility for their emotions instead of blaming others for how they feel, take an interest in others’ emotions and needs, and can receive feedback without becoming defensive or argumentative. In other words, they manage to stay collected even when they don’t agree with someone or someone doesn’t agree with them.
Emotionally mature individuals also know how to communicate their emotions, express anger without harming others or themselves, know how to regulate their emotions, and experience their emotions without allowing them to take over. They can stay calm even when they’re frustrated.
Saying other people are “childish” for enjoying life or making mistakes.
Posting every emotional matter online.
Constantly trying to prove you have a “I don’t need anyone” mentality
Rushing, getting married or pregnant on purpose without much thought for finances or emotional ability to handle it in the long run.
Meanwhile, Verywell Mind explains that emotionally intelligent people can identify and describe what others are feeling, are aware of their personal strengths and weaknesses, are confident and accept themselves, and can let go of mistakes.
Moreover, they accept and embrace change, are very curious about the world and other people, feel empathy and show sensitivity, accept responsibility for their mistakes, and manage their emotions in tough situations.
Luckily, emotional intelligence is a skill that everyone can develop. Of course, it’ll take time and dedicated practice, but it’s all worth it in the end because you’ll have deeper, more meaningful relationships and less anxiety in your life.
Rushing to accomplish life goals.
Things like marriage or having children *are* accomplishments, but some people struggle with being patient for those things to come after reaching adulthood. Doing so can put themselves in a position where those life changes are not financially sound choices, or, in another way, it leaves a sort of vacancy of what to do in life after those things are done.
Unwillingness to enjoy things
Real maturity allows you to read the YA novel or dress up for Halloween or buy a balloon at the circus. False maturity refuses to have any fun.
Some ways that you and we can all practice becoming more emotionally intelligent include accepting criticism and responsibility, moving on after making blunders, saying ‘no’ when needed, sharing feelings with others, and looking for compromises when faced with real problems.
You can also get better at this by actively trying to have more empathy for other people, developing your listening skills (i.e., actively listening to someone instead of waiting for your turn to speak), and trying not to be judgmental. You should also think about the reasons why you do the things that you do.
I saw a few answers before this and none are wrong.
I’ll go with talk like a man of nobility from 1800 (I found 2 of those kind of guys).
Emotional and psychological maturity is directly linked to experience. Put yourself in enough different situations, interact with enough people from different cultures and backgrounds, handle enough failures and successes, and you’ll get a semi-accurate understanding of how the world works. In part, real maturity means accepting the world and other people as they are, and then adjusting your actions so that you can reach your goals or improve a problematic situation more quickly and easily.
Frustration, anger, and lashing out at others happen when there’s a large gap between a person’s expectations and reality. When someone who is overly naive perceives injustice (whether real or imagined), they feel the need to speak up and correct the situation. Pushing back against injustice is vital, of course. But the most obvious way to do this (yelling angrily, often online) might not be the one that leads to real, actionable change. Subtlety, diplomacy, and compromise are often what lead to fundamental shifts. And it often takes years of dedicated, focused effort to improve society for the better. Change doesn’t happen overnight.
What are the biggest red flags that someone’s only pretending to be emotionally mature, dear Pandas? On the flip side, what are some genuine indicators that a person is actually very mature? Let us know in the comments!
Inability to get along with, or respect people with different opinions. Especially political.
Part of maturity is being able to keep an open mind, and consider other perspectives.
After breaking up, blasting the other person on Reddit while refusing to take any responsibility and claiming your own superior “emotional maturity”.
Inability to acknowledge the imperfections you have. You can not grow as a person unless you accept that you still need to.
Using uncommon words to communicate their message. I love words too, but many sentences do not need more exotic words to explain your point.
Being hypercritical, hypercynical, or excessively jaded about everything.
Driving a vehicle. Just because you can drive, doesn’t mean you are mature.
Raising your voice when your not in danger. Criticizing someone behind their back instead of talking directly to them. Talking a lot about what you know compared to asking questions and just listening.
Some girls hold their starbucks cup very intentionally strange like they want to show the world they are holding the cup and show they drink coffee and they act as if they are the busiest, most important person in the room.
I can’t really describe it perfectly, but it 100% is pretentiously fake-maturity. Usually young adults do that who still think being grown up is something interesting.
One I learned recently, in an apology if the person says “I’m sorry IF what I did hurt you.”
They are only apologizing for being caught, or that you were upset by the action/words. They aren’t actually owning up to their mistake.
Trying to act like you have life experience from your mistakes without actually learning anything from those mistakes.
Talking about a subject with the most absolute confidence and if someone points out that you got something wrong, you then go and berate them and tell them that you can’t be wrong because you know you’re right.
Having a condescending, patronizing attitude by default when talking to people.
It basically says “I will assume that I am more mature than you, so I will talk to you like you are a child and I am a responsible adult.”.
If words don’t reflect actions. It’s easy to say something. Living by what you say is harder to do.
Extreme polarity on views and leaving no room for empathy. Also, unwillingness to agree to disagree.
Doing things just to look cool and mature.
Like that colleague of mine who smokes cigars despite obviously not liking them.
Same guy once told me that I absolutely *have* to drink wine, because drinking wine is stylish.
Btw, he’s in his 40s….
Anything cryptocurrency because they oughta know that it takes away the value from the American dollar.
People who rant about their partners lacking maturity are usually the least mature.
Like attracts like.
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