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Like women, men have their fair share of societal prejudices. However, the harsh reality is that these issues are generally swept under the rug.
So, for today, our focus will be on the gents, specifically the unfair biases they face for being men. We’re revisiting an old Reddit thread that asked, “What shouldn’t men be judged for doing?”
Responses ranged from not knowing how to fix something to owning adult toys, having female friends, and working in female-dominated industries. Scroll down to see more of the top-voted answers.
Being the one who takes care of kids in a relationship or making less money than their partner.
88bauss:
I too would like to be a stay at home dog-dad one day. My GF makes more money than me and probably will for a few years, I’ll catch up and surpass but it’s not about that at all and she has never in 2.5 years said anything about our incomes. We basically live together and I’m there everyday. I’m usually the one taking care of the dogs and her daughter (16) and house chores and it’s fine by me and she appreciates it.
Telling a woman no.
dicksjshsb:
This is so true not even just for turning a girl down but if you feel like things are moving too fast in a relationship you can feel embarrassed or ashamed to say no. For girls it’s understandably encouraged to set your boundaries and not be pressured into doing things your not comfortable with – but for guys it’s kind of seen like something’s wrong with you.
It’s especially clear when underage guys get taken advantage of by a teacher. People say “that was probably the best day of their life” or something and it’s just clear that guys are expected to welcome almost any (straight) sexual encounter. It’s why I hate the “dudes will fuck anything that moves” stereotype.
Having female friends.
Zomburai:
My best friend is a woman. She’s literally saved my life, and every way I’ve bettered myself was in part because she was behind me pushing me to be a better human. She’s one of the most important people in my life, and I couldn’t be with someone who was ever jealous of her place in it. We would make a horrible couple.
Frozen-Hot-Dog-Water:
I’m close friends with a few girls, particularly closer with one of them. Every time we go out to bars and run into people we know, they ask how long we’ve been together, then act like it’s weird we hang out a lot but don’t date. Like, we’re great friends, but there’s no way we would ever work in a relationship, and that’s fine because we’re both on the same page.
Being a parent. Any time a dad is out alone with his kids other people always ask if he’s on babysitting duty. It’s not called babysitting it’s called being a parent.
Being content with enough.
iCan20:
“You’re not going to work to provide my daughter everything she wants?” Literally came out of my MIL’s mouth. While I am absolutely financially supporting her daughter. It was a commmt I made that buying a house with a pool is probably going to be out of our price range unless she wants to go back to work to save up her money for a pool.
I’ll pay for the pool if I get everything I WANT also. But nobody’s going to go to work to give me everything I want. Hell id settle for someone giving me most of what I want. Or even paying for my McDonald’s once a month. A man can dream!
LordofAmazon:
This! My brothers and I didn’t have much growing up. We were determined to pull ourselves out of poverty, and we did it with education and hard work. I used to want to become a millionaire, but I eventually realized that it wasn’t worth the effort and that I just wanted to be comfortable. My brothers, on the other hand, got never let go of that dream of wanting to become super wealthy. Despite already accumulating a lot of assets, they still overwork themselves because they want more. This mindset that men are only worth as much as what they can bring home is incredibly toxic, because it will never be enough.
Having empty apartments.
As much as it’s nice to have decorations in a house, I don’t give a s**t about it. as long as my house is clean and I am comfortable in it then I have the essentials. My girlfriend is the only reason our house is decorated.
Not fitting into, or having an interest in, typical “manly” hobbies and interests.
We should be encouraging everyone to pursue and commit to whatever endeavours leave them feeling happy and fulfilled (provided those endeavours aren’t at the expense of others), irregardless of what they may be.
Being broke. We are caught up in a world where man has to be a provider and when you’re broke, you will be look down upon.
Not knowing how to fix or do something.
I’m not a car mechanic. I’m not a broadband engineer. I’m not a builder/sparky/plumber.
If I don’t know how to do something, I’m not less of a person for acknowledging a gap in knowledge or understanding.
Needing help. I recently had one of the biggest breakdowns of my life from internalized trauma and self hate. It took that and the pushing of some friends before I even considered getting therapy. It hurt myself and a lot of folks. If you are hurting, it’s OK to go and get help. It’s hard really hard, but it’ll be worth it.
Taking kids to the park/walmart/etc. Too many horror stories of some karen taking issue with this as if it’s wrong for men to be fathers.
Also, just being a dad in general. There was that phase in the media where the father was played off as some idiot that couldn’t even without the help of the wife. Our culture seemed to buy this idea wholesale, and we’re still reeling from the effects.
Wanting to be left the hell alone.
It’s not that we don’t want to spend time with our partners, but for f**k sake alone time is valuable. Sometimes your man just wants a little time to himself and there’s nothing wrong with that or anything to read into about it.
Having an 8, 9, or 10 year old car. I make six figures, have over $1M in savings, and own my 4BR/2BA house outright. Yet I drive a 2014 Subaru.
Why? Because it runs fine and is comfortable and good in the snow, and has an actual f*****g key instead of a button and I can slam down the rear gate instead of pressing a button and standing there like an idiot for five seconds waiting for the gate to close. New cars are f*****g stupid.
Approaching women to ask them out.
Like if we’re expected to make the first move how the f**k are we supposed to find someone if approaching in public is now frowned upon.
Maybe a minor one, not talked about a lot but: watching certain movies. Growing up I was always taught that certain things were just for girls. I’m 29, just watched Charlie’s Angels for the first time a month ago and I’m honestly mad at what could’ve been a pretty formative movie.
When I was 14 or so, my uncle was trying to ask me and my cousin which movie we wanted to rent for the evening. It came down to Catwoman or Scorpion King, and my cousin chose Catwoman only for my uncle to say “that’s gay” to which my cousin replied: “how is you wanting to watch The Rock all shirtless and oiled up not gay, but me wanting to watch Halle Berry in a skintight leather cat suit is?”.
If we are seen crying and/or being vulnerable, we get mocked by society.
Will Smith cried after his wife told him live that she had an affair. People laughed at Will. He became a meme.
Tyrese Gibson had a mental breakdown online in regards to not seeing his daughter in 2 years. People laughed at him. He became a meme too.
Kanye West had a mental breakdown live on TV, people called him “crazy”. He too became a meme.
I saw a meme recently of a random guy cuddling his gf and saying “I want your heart”. She recorded it and posted it online. People laughed at him.
Then society wonders why we don’t open up about our feelings.
Taking the day off.
You aren’t a robot. Sometimes, everyone needs a break.
Shaving armpits. The odor control is fantastic!
AMonitorDarkly:
This.
I noticed that a friend did this and I thought it was weird at first. He said “don’t knock it until you try it.” And hot damn, he was right. I’ve been doing it for 20 years. Every woman I’ve been with has appreciated it as well.
I’d like to be able to tell a woman that she’s pretty without her or anyone else thinking I’m trying to f**k her or that I’m a creep. I can think a woman is pretty without hitting on her.
Working or otherwise participating in female-dominated industries/careers/activities, such as serving, nursing, house cleaning, cooking, child-raising, getting manicures and wearing nail polish or any other cosmetic/beauty pursuits, displaying emotion/vulnerability (if done in a nonagressive way, for example crying or confiding in someone about something awkward or painful), not wanting a wife and/or kids completely irrespective to sexual and relationship orientation (i.e. gay/bi/pan or polyamorous vs. monogamous), not wanting or being able to excel at physical tasks or earning great amounts of money in a high-powered job, not being competitive or possessive, not punching down or trying to dominate others physically/verbally/mentally.
Tl;dr— for being themselves if and when it hurts no one, and for not subscribing to notions of toxic masculinity.
Seekeng/asking for professional help from a therapist. Men especially tend to keep that for themselves since they only seek that help to begin with when the issue is relatively serious. Other people just assume you’re in deep s**t when they hear about it, and ultimately end up judging you.
Being affectionate with people other than partners and maybe family members. I’ll never understand why physical touch is romanticized.
Playing. I bust my butt at work and save money so I can then play. That might be video games, a sport, building random stuff in a workshop, etc., but, whatever it is, let a bro have his hobbies/playtime. See a 30-year-old playing Pokémon? Good, leave him alone and let him have his fun.
Don’t judge us for the music we like. Like, if I’m singing along to BTS in my car, join in the singing or mind your own business.
Having an erection. They happen randomly throughout a mans entire life. They can happen to a 50 year old as frequently as it can a hormonal teenager.
An erection does not always mean a man is sexually aroused.
An erection does not automatically mean a man wants sex.
As with everything:
Context Matters.
Wearing what you want…why shouldn’t I wear short shorts just because you can’t?
Oh and just because we’re nice, polite and respectful around women doesn’t mean we want to shag them.
1. Opening up about trauma. A lot of women think we don’t open up because we’re just told not to, that is only the case for some of us. For most of us, it’s experience with what happens when we do.
2. Sitting down, using an umbrella, chewing gum – all stuff I’ve been called gay (not the word they used) for.
Sitting down to pee.
VH5150OU812:
Yup. At 53, I have found the bladder empties better, no post-void drip and my wife and two daughters enjoy the fact that they won’t be going for a midnight dip courtesy of dear old dad. Plus, during the inevitable 3 am pee, I can leave the lights off and be certain of hitting my intended target.
Not having a girlfriend/wife. A man’s value shouldn’t be determined by his ability to pull ladies.
Flexing their muscles in the mirror after a good gym session.
We like to see our progress and flex on our old self.
Looking at women. Staring yes is creepy, but having a look is just normal.
Not getting married. Divorce rate is now like 50% of marriages and women initiate 80% of divorces. 90% of child support goes to the mother, and 97% of alimony goes to the woman. Marriage is just a bad deal for men, there is nothing to gain from it, but everything to lose from it.
Man-spreading. Look, why don’t you try stuffing two very fragile, very tender ripe plums in your underwear and have to have them get squished between you legs all day and see if you don’t try to give them a little extra room any chance you get.
Liking cute things.
Watching kids shows like teen titans and whatnot.
Living a bit messy, the world won’t end of my trousers live on the floor for a couple of days.
Stupid stuff they did in their teen years. Teenage boys are a different level of nutty.
Having standards in a relationship. If you don’t like a boundary a man has established break up with him don’t accuse him of being insecure toxic or ab*sive.
Wearing female clothes and being feminine in general.
Taking you 27 year old pregnant daughter to the store in public while being almost 50.
I get lots of dirty looks from judgmental Karens looking at me like Im some kind of sick perv that likes younger girls.
Walking down a street if a woman happens to be going the same way. There is no reason I should ever have to stop and play with my phone or find an alternative route or cross the street. I’ve got places to go and this is the way to get there. And if you find it scary that I’m walking fast then YOU f**k off and go a different way.
So many comments I’ve seen about women feeling scared and clutching their keys/pepper spray/knife fearing they’re gonna be attacked because a guy had the utter termity, the sheer gall, the unashamed audacity to walk down the same street. Stop feeding into this paranoia.
Drinking out of a straw. I’ve been told it looks feminine.
I don’t like getting my drink in my beard, and I don’t want beard oil on my glass.
Explaining things. It’s not always “mansplaining.”.
Defending themselves. Far too often men get attacked by a woman who may even have a weapon. The man is still called the aggressor.
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